Shout it from the rooftops- I'm done with AC!

Phew, I'm halfway through chemo and completely done with AC.  I'm so glad to never have that poison put in my body again!  If I had the energy, I'd shout it from the rooftops.  But this chemo hit me pretty hard so no rooftops for me.  I was nauseated before we even started, so I was given an extra type of anti-nausea that totally knocked me out but didn't even seem to help with the nausea though, figures.  I won't say this was as bad as my first chemo, but definitely was a pretty difficult one.  I really hope the Taxol has less side effects like everyone says it does.  I don't know if I can endure 2 more months of these side effects- I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!

My schedule is a bit different than we'd originally thought, instead of having 3 weeks off between types of chemos, I only have 2 weeks in between, so basically just following the same schedule.  I was kind of hoping for a little more time off, but then again, I'm ready to just get this over with. So my new last day of chemo will be May 24th, instead of the 31st.  We're still hoping to schedule surgery after the 4th of July.

I'm so thankful for my wonderful husband.  He's been so supportive, taking care of the kids when I can't, making them meals and doing laundry.  Yesterday I mentioned that I could really use a fan for my room because I get so sweaty when I sleep (hot flashes are no joke, people!).  He & Emeline ran to Wegman's but also came back with a couple of fans they picked up at Bed, Bath & Beyond.  Man, did that help last night!  I can never thank Ray enough for all that he's done to help me get through this.

Post Chemo 3 checkup & perspective

I went in and met a new NP today for my follow up appointment.  She was very nice and said that I'm looking great on paper- my blood counts are recovering nicely.  We discussed my nausea and ways to combat it (I'm not drinking enough water).  I did complain to her about my weight gain (up another 2lbs this week!) but she reminded me that I'm almost done with the AC treatments and that Taxol isn't nearly as bad about the nausea.  Like everyone else, she reminded me to eat what/when I can and not worry about my weight gain.
I got home and chatted with a good friend (over the internets all the way from Amsterdam!) and she told me a story that really put things in perspective (although it wasn't her intention, it just happened to be exactly what I needed to hear).  Basically, it was about a woman dying of cancer & who'd been told that her time is very limited.  She was seeking advice on how to tell her small children (ages 4 & 6) that she'd soon be gone and ways that she could help the kids remember her.  And here I was worrying about being too fat.

So, yes, I realize that I'm being a bit butt-headed about the whole weight thing.  I'm fighting this disease, I will come out on the other end stronger and tougher, so what if a little fluffier?  So, from here on out, I'm going to try really hard not to worry so much about my weight gain (or complain about it).  In the whole scheme of things, it really doesn't matter, what really matters is still being here to enjoy my children & life.

And on to lighter things, I went yesterday to have my wig fitting.  I found one that I really like!  I don't plan on wearing it often, but am glad to have it, for special occasions.  I think it looks relatively natural and it's not nearly as itchy as I expected.

So, if I want to feel like a 'normal' person instead of a cancer patient, I'll have an option.  Just add this to the things I thought I'd never own...LOL

Chemo 3 down, just 1 more of this type to go!

I can't wait to move on from the Adria & Cytoxan.  I only have 1 more infusion of these 2 wonderful drugs and I'm so glad!

(this is my face during chemo)

The taxol isn't supposed to be as hard on me.  I'm imagining with just the fact that it's only 1 type of chemo instead of 2, it'll be a bit easier on me.  I asked my nurse Nikki yesterday if I'll still have to get the neulasta after the Taxol but she wasn't sure.  I'm not sure if I'm hoping I won't or not.  It does seem to help get my white blood cell counts up quickly, but dang does it hurt when the tube goes in and the bone ache is pretty crappy.  Ah, the joys of chemo!

This morning I took a little handful of pills, including my anti-nausea med & steroids.  I think it helped a little.  I'm going to try to take a Zofran before bed tonight to see if that helps me get ahead of the nausea.  I also need to remember to take the claratin because that really seemed to help with the bone ache the last time.

My hair is almost gone now, except for a random patch in the back that's really holding on.  I went and ran errands today without a hat on and I definitely got a few double takes.  I really don't like wearing a hat and it was so nice today, my bald head needed some air!  I even had a guy yell across a parking lot to me, "awesome!  We need more bald heads!"  yes, he was bald LOL  I spoke with a woman at a store and I swear she couldn't stop looking at my head.  I wanted to say, "hey, my eyes are down here!"  LOL  I figure it's not worth being uncomfortable and hot just for other people's comfort.  If I'm comfortable with my battle, others should be too!

I expect the shit to start hitting the fan tomorrow.  Luckily a very wonderful friend is picking the twins up in the morning and taking them to a park and having a picnic lunch.  They'll have a great time and I'll get a break.  Ray is off for the afternoon and then again on Friday.  Hopefully I'll be feeling better by Saturday because I'm supposed to help out at our semi-annual consignment sale.

3 down, 5 to go!!

Chemo 2 follow up

I saw PA Adam again today.  My labs looked decent (would you expect anything less from me?!) and although I really talked up the nausea, mean Adam wouldn't give me any more drugs. He just told me to take the steroids for an extra day after my next chemo and also take Zantac for the indigestion (did I mention how much this feels pregnancy without the cute little newborn at the end?). I keep meaning to ask him if I can smoke pot to help with the nausea but I'm afraid he'll say no, plus it's illegal and all.  A friend may or may not keep suggesting that pot is great for nausea.  I personally wouldn't know because I've never tried weed...it would probably make me suuuuper paranoid.  I'm just guessing, though. Seriously, no experience whatsoever.

I've been trying to come up with benefits to this cancer journey, so here's a few things that have popped up:
    * It takes me no time at all to take a shower. I'm like a man now- I can literally hop in the shower          & be done in 2 minutes flat.
    * I'm saving a ton of money on shampoo, conditioner & hair products.   That just means more             money for hats!
    * If I find a hair in my food, I know for a fact that it's not mine.
    * I don't have to shave my legs- saving more money on razors!
    * lots and lots of free drugs- sure, none of them are really anything anyone would want to take, but        I sure have my own pharmacy going on

That's all I can think of for now, but I'm sure they'll be lots to add to the list.  I'm only a quarter of the way through the chemo part of this journey so I'm sure some new stuff will come up!
   

General thoughts and specific complaints

The days following Chemo #2 weren't as intense as those after chemo #1, but seem to have lasted longer.  The steroids that I was given to take on days 1-3 after chemo really made a huge difference in my energy, to the point that I was even a little wired on Friday, which I anticipated to be my hardest day.  That said, the nausea seems to be worst and the meds aren't really taking care of it like I feel like they should.  I'm seeing the PA named Adam tomorrow (why do PA's always have to go by their first name?!) and I'm going to tell him about the nausea.  Today is day #6 after chemo and I'm feeling a lot less tired with just a touch of nausea but still not "normal".  I think last time I was feeling back to normal a bit sooner.  

In other news, as much as the steroids are helping how I feel, they made me super hungry & I'm putting on weight at an alarming rate.  I know, I know, my first priority is to fight this, but at the same time, I'm still a woman and gaining weight is really playing mind games with me.  I'm trying hard not to feel bad about how I look, but well, did I mention I'm still a woman?  2016 was supposed to be my year- my goal was to be smokin' hot for a pretty big birthday in May but I guess it'll just have to wait until next year.  Bald & fat is totally hot, right?! 

So my goal right now is to not let the weight gain bother me.  If you see me in a moo-moo in the grocery store, you can just compliment me on my hat :P  

Speaking of hats, the hair that I have left is coming out pretty quickly.  My head is super splotchy so I look like I have some sort of mange.  My scalp is still kind of irritated so I'm going hatless at home, but I won't scare the general public by going out without a hat.  I've added a photo below of what's going on with my "hair" right now. 

You're welcome, general public, for not subjecting you to staring at the back of this in the grocery line!

I'm still going pretty strong over here and trying to keep my sense of humor.  Can you tell?  Maybe Wed I'll feel good enough to take my happy ass to the gym and get some time on the treadmill and away from these darling toddler twins who are trying to slowly drive me insane.  The question is, do I wear a hat to the gym or freak out the gym population?  Stay tuned for the answer!

Chemo #2 down, 6 to go & some excellent news

Tuesday was my second infusion.  I can see why people say the side effects are accumulative.  I was tired sooner after the infusion & was already nauseated by Wed morning.  I'm taking an oral steroid to help with the tiredness (and supposed to help with nausea too, but it's not working for me) and I also took Claratin right before my neulasta patch started giving me the med.  I read that it can help with the bone ache.  So far, so good.  I ordered PSI bands to wear on my wrists that are supposed to help with nausea.  I can't really tell a difference yet, but hopefully they'll start working soon.

I woke up at 5:30am this morning starving- probably because of the steroids.  I think I'll be the first person going through chemo to gain weight (actually, I know this isn't true- I think it's a myth that everyone loses weight during chemo).  My oncologist told me she doesn't want me to lose more than 5 lbs during treatment, but at this point, I've gained about 5 lbs!  This is after needing to lose a bit anyway.  Oh well, my health is more important than looking good in a bathing suit right now!

I've got a new side-effect going on- hot flashes.  Wow, do they ever suck.  I was told that chemo would put me in early menopause, but ugh.    Can cancer make me feel like even less of a woman?!  Losing my hair, going to lose my boobs & my fertility too.  And of course the weight gain.  I keep trying to remind myself that most of this is temporary (the hair and weight gain, anyway) but it's hard not to feel crappy about it.

I did find out that I'm only going to have to do 4 rounds every two weeks of the 2nd type of chemo (Taxol) instead of 12 doses weekly.  So my last infusion should be on/around May 31st.  The doctor said that the second type of chemo isn't as bad as these first 2 types, so I'm hoping the second half of this journey will be a bit easier.

The 4 infusions of Taxol was good news, but I got even better news from my oncologist on Tuesday. My genetic tests came back and everything looks great!  This means that my kids won't have to worry about being predisposed to get cancer!  Woot!  I'm so happy that this just seems to be some random thing that happened to me and my kids (and siblings) don't have a higher risk.


In other news, the kids are doing great with all the changes I'm going through.  The twins don't really notice that my hair is gone (the little stubble is falling out at a pretty rapid rate now).  I have an appt mid-March to have a wig fitting.  I don't anticipate wearing the wig much, but it'll be nice to have for special nights out or when I don't want to look like a cancer patient LOL

I just want to say thank you again to everyone who's praying for us, sending vibes of healing, making meals & making/buying hats.  I can never say thank you enough for your kindness and love.

Kind of bad ass

So yesterday ended up being shave day.  My scalp was really bothering me, it felt like a pretty bad sunburn, so I decided that it was time.  I can't believe how liberated I feel!  My head feels awesome and I've decided I look pretty bad ass with a shaved head.  Not quite Sinead O'Connor or GI Jane, but definitely not Brittany!

Ray got in on the action and shaved his head as well. Look, twinsies!

The kids seem to be fine with my new "haircut".  Easton said I'm beautiful and I look like Easton.  Such a sweet, silly boy.  Everyone participated in the shaving, except Elianna who didn't want to handle the clippers.  I'm not sure why, but we didn't push it.  She's been extra snuggly with me lately, I'll take that <3 

In other news, I added a new family member on Friday.  Ray wasn't exactly in the know before I brought this guy home, but he hasn't kicked me out yet, so I think we're okay LOL  As much as I love Mandy, she's not the cuddlebug that I was hoping for, plus she seems to like Emeline more than me....so I went back to the rescue and fell in love with this big orange guy.  He's a just turned 2 year old maine coon mix in need of a few good meals and brushings.  He's sweet as pie and is yet to be named.  The kids keep calling him Sunny.  I'm not sure I'm on board with that name so I'll keep thinking. 

 Isn't he gorgeous?

See?  Snuggle buddy!  He's already settled in to the household and not much seems to phase him.  Mandy isn't sure what to think of him, they're only getting to know each other under doors for now.

I'm hoping Mr. Orange will want to hang with me after treatment on Tuesday until I'm feeling better.