General thoughts and specific complaints

The days following Chemo #2 weren't as intense as those after chemo #1, but seem to have lasted longer.  The steroids that I was given to take on days 1-3 after chemo really made a huge difference in my energy, to the point that I was even a little wired on Friday, which I anticipated to be my hardest day.  That said, the nausea seems to be worst and the meds aren't really taking care of it like I feel like they should.  I'm seeing the PA named Adam tomorrow (why do PA's always have to go by their first name?!) and I'm going to tell him about the nausea.  Today is day #6 after chemo and I'm feeling a lot less tired with just a touch of nausea but still not "normal".  I think last time I was feeling back to normal a bit sooner.  

In other news, as much as the steroids are helping how I feel, they made me super hungry & I'm putting on weight at an alarming rate.  I know, I know, my first priority is to fight this, but at the same time, I'm still a woman and gaining weight is really playing mind games with me.  I'm trying hard not to feel bad about how I look, but well, did I mention I'm still a woman?  2016 was supposed to be my year- my goal was to be smokin' hot for a pretty big birthday in May but I guess it'll just have to wait until next year.  Bald & fat is totally hot, right?! 

So my goal right now is to not let the weight gain bother me.  If you see me in a moo-moo in the grocery store, you can just compliment me on my hat :P  

Speaking of hats, the hair that I have left is coming out pretty quickly.  My head is super splotchy so I look like I have some sort of mange.  My scalp is still kind of irritated so I'm going hatless at home, but I won't scare the general public by going out without a hat.  I've added a photo below of what's going on with my "hair" right now. 

You're welcome, general public, for not subjecting you to staring at the back of this in the grocery line!

I'm still going pretty strong over here and trying to keep my sense of humor.  Can you tell?  Maybe Wed I'll feel good enough to take my happy ass to the gym and get some time on the treadmill and away from these darling toddler twins who are trying to slowly drive me insane.  The question is, do I wear a hat to the gym or freak out the gym population?  Stay tuned for the answer!

Chemo #2 down, 6 to go & some excellent news

Tuesday was my second infusion.  I can see why people say the side effects are accumulative.  I was tired sooner after the infusion & was already nauseated by Wed morning.  I'm taking an oral steroid to help with the tiredness (and supposed to help with nausea too, but it's not working for me) and I also took Claratin right before my neulasta patch started giving me the med.  I read that it can help with the bone ache.  So far, so good.  I ordered PSI bands to wear on my wrists that are supposed to help with nausea.  I can't really tell a difference yet, but hopefully they'll start working soon.

I woke up at 5:30am this morning starving- probably because of the steroids.  I think I'll be the first person going through chemo to gain weight (actually, I know this isn't true- I think it's a myth that everyone loses weight during chemo).  My oncologist told me she doesn't want me to lose more than 5 lbs during treatment, but at this point, I've gained about 5 lbs!  This is after needing to lose a bit anyway.  Oh well, my health is more important than looking good in a bathing suit right now!

I've got a new side-effect going on- hot flashes.  Wow, do they ever suck.  I was told that chemo would put me in early menopause, but ugh.    Can cancer make me feel like even less of a woman?!  Losing my hair, going to lose my boobs & my fertility too.  And of course the weight gain.  I keep trying to remind myself that most of this is temporary (the hair and weight gain, anyway) but it's hard not to feel crappy about it.

I did find out that I'm only going to have to do 4 rounds every two weeks of the 2nd type of chemo (Taxol) instead of 12 doses weekly.  So my last infusion should be on/around May 31st.  The doctor said that the second type of chemo isn't as bad as these first 2 types, so I'm hoping the second half of this journey will be a bit easier.

The 4 infusions of Taxol was good news, but I got even better news from my oncologist on Tuesday. My genetic tests came back and everything looks great!  This means that my kids won't have to worry about being predisposed to get cancer!  Woot!  I'm so happy that this just seems to be some random thing that happened to me and my kids (and siblings) don't have a higher risk.


In other news, the kids are doing great with all the changes I'm going through.  The twins don't really notice that my hair is gone (the little stubble is falling out at a pretty rapid rate now).  I have an appt mid-March to have a wig fitting.  I don't anticipate wearing the wig much, but it'll be nice to have for special nights out or when I don't want to look like a cancer patient LOL

I just want to say thank you again to everyone who's praying for us, sending vibes of healing, making meals & making/buying hats.  I can never say thank you enough for your kindness and love.

Kind of bad ass

So yesterday ended up being shave day.  My scalp was really bothering me, it felt like a pretty bad sunburn, so I decided that it was time.  I can't believe how liberated I feel!  My head feels awesome and I've decided I look pretty bad ass with a shaved head.  Not quite Sinead O'Connor or GI Jane, but definitely not Brittany!

Ray got in on the action and shaved his head as well. Look, twinsies!

The kids seem to be fine with my new "haircut".  Easton said I'm beautiful and I look like Easton.  Such a sweet, silly boy.  Everyone participated in the shaving, except Elianna who didn't want to handle the clippers.  I'm not sure why, but we didn't push it.  She's been extra snuggly with me lately, I'll take that <3 

In other news, I added a new family member on Friday.  Ray wasn't exactly in the know before I brought this guy home, but he hasn't kicked me out yet, so I think we're okay LOL  As much as I love Mandy, she's not the cuddlebug that I was hoping for, plus she seems to like Emeline more than me....so I went back to the rescue and fell in love with this big orange guy.  He's a just turned 2 year old maine coon mix in need of a few good meals and brushings.  He's sweet as pie and is yet to be named.  The kids keep calling him Sunny.  I'm not sure I'm on board with that name so I'll keep thinking. 

 Isn't he gorgeous?

See?  Snuggle buddy!  He's already settled in to the household and not much seems to phase him.  Mandy isn't sure what to think of him, they're only getting to know each other under doors for now.

I'm hoping Mr. Orange will want to hang with me after treatment on Tuesday until I'm feeling better.

Next chemo is 1 week from yesterday

The thought of it makes me kind of sick.  I am back to feeling pretty much back to normal and knowing that this time next week I'll just have finished having that poison put in my body makes me feel ill.  But I know it's a necessary evil to beat cancer.  And at least now I know when to expect my bad days and I also know it doesn't last forever!

The steristrips came off on my port the other day.  The stitch the surgeon used to close the little sore up top is still hanging in there. I wish it'd fall out because it looks like a weird scab LOL  It feels SO weird but it's no longer super sore, although it does hurt when one of the twins head butts it.

My hair is still pretty it's usual thickness, although my scalp is really tender, which I read is normal before losing hair.  I have noticed a bit more than normal coming out today, but nothing shocking.  I'm guessing from here on out, any extra time with my hair is a blessing since I've been told by all the professionals that it should have started coming out by now.  I'm pretty sure the big shave is coming within the week.


The kids are doing well and are being pretty open with asking me questions.  I keep teasing Emeline that I need her to cut her hair so I can have it made into a wig.  Sweet girl did ask how short she'd have to cut it...so maybe she at least considered it?  I do need to go wig shopping, but I'm not sure where to go.  I guess just google "wig shops near Columbia".  I don't really plan to wear a wig all that often, but I will need a "going out" wig, maybe something fancy and fun.

Our little Mandy is starting to settle in and explore the house.  She now lets us pet her on the stairs but acts like she's never seen us if we try to pet her in the living room LOL  She's super comfy in our room though and even let me clip her nails the other day.  Isn't she adorable?

These hips don't lie....

And today they are saying, "ouch!".  Everytime I think that today is going to be a normal day, I wake up with a different side effect of chemo or neulasta.  Yesterday it was a killer headache and the ever present touch of nausea.

The indigestion?  The insomnia?  What the heck?  It seems chemo has a lot of the same symptoms as late pregnancy- who knew?

I had my blood count done on Wed, exactly a week after chemo.  The PA said my numbers look good so I can proceed with my normal life.  He did give me a prescription for a steroid to take for a couple of days after my next round, to see if that helps with the nausea.
Here is my bloodwork from right before chemo and then a week after.  The nurse highlighted the important things on the first bloodwork.  It's interesting to see how much my white blood cells (NEUT are the mature, important ones) dropped, but are still in the good range.

I meant to ask him when I can expect to get my genetic testing results back.  it's been 3 weeks since they took blood for that.  I hope it comes back soon and everything is negative.  I really don't want to have to worry about cancer coming back or my kids being more susceptible.  Hopefully I'll hear soon.

Now I'm just plugging along until my next chemo on Feb 23rd.  In the meantime, I expect to start losing my hair by Mon/Tues which means shaving it soon after.

I hope I'm not coming off as complaining or whining, I'm just trying to be really honest and open about this process for me.  I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but it's honestly kicking my ass a little harder than I thought it would.  But, I will get through this!

I have to quick send a shout out to Ray's co-workers & my friends who have been generously making delicious meals for us.  It's really great not to have to worry about what's for dinner! My moms of multiples group has offered to do a meal train as well, and I'll be contacting them soon with dates when I feel like we'll need them the most. I've also had friends make me chemo hats and I'm so happy to wear something that was made with love <3  Thanks Melanie & Kellie! Thanks to everyone who's so graciously supporting us!

Chemo is no joke

I'm not gonna lie, the last 2 days were pretty rough.  My bones ached, my head hurt, I felt like I was coming down with something, I was nauseated and the strangest thing, my "bad knee" (that I had surgery on when I was 15) was killing me.  I've been sleeping really poorly too, waking up every couple hours or more, even with the help of Ambien.

Luckily I woke up feeling much better today.  I haven't had to take any pain meds or anti-nausea drugs, I'm not bone-tired and I feel almost normal.  My chest is finally feeling a bit better after the port placement surgery.  I think I'm hitting an upswing.

So far my hair is still hanging in there, but the nurse said it'll be falling out within 2 weeks.  We'll see when it actually gets bad enough that I feel the need to shave it.  I've had a few people tell me that their friend's neighbor's daughter's cousin's teacher's aunt didn't lose their hair during chemo, but I'm ready to go ahead and bid mine goodbye when it's time.  At this point, I really dislike this haircut anyway, so although I won't be happy to see it go, I won't be as sad had I not cut it this short LOL  

I have my next appointment on Wed, when they'll take blood and see how my white blood cells are doing.  Hopefully they look good and all will be ready for my next chemo appt on Feb 23rd.  I'm hoping I just start feeling stronger and stronger until then!

So far, so good

Today is the start of day 2 after my first chemo.  Yesterday I felt pretty good, just soreness from the port & a small headache that motrin took care of.  I was a little tired, but because I'd gone to bed at about 830 the night before, with an ambien, I felt pretty rested when I got up!  I think the steroids they gave me really helped me feel peppy and I enjoyed a morning with good friends at a playdate & lunch at chick-fila.  I took a short nap (maybe 40min) in the afternoon and felt well enough to take Audacity to training outside in the cold.

I was pretty worn out after training so went straight to bed, but after falling asleep for less than an hour, I woke and couldn't fall back asleep.  so I ended up taking an ambien around 1:30am.  This morning I'm a little tired and feeling just the slightest bit of nausea.  Not enough to feel like I need to take anything though.  I need to call the nurse to ask her about taking ambien nightly and also about whether or not I can keep my dentist appt this afternoon.

Here are a few pictures from Wed- my port is under that big white bandage.  The tube in my vein runs up to where that little red dot is, then it was turned and run down a vein that goes in the middle of my chest.

I thought the port would have some sort of tubing sticking out or something, but it was actually put in a pocket they created under my skin.  Here's basically what it looks like on the inside:  

weird, right?  

After chemo the nurse put on my neulasta "patch"- I put that in quotes because it felt more like a tag that they put on clothes to keep them from being stolen LOL  It was big and awkward & I was happy to take it off once it dispensed the medicine at around 4pm yesterday.  Here's what that thing looks like:

I was told it'd go off around 4pm yesterday but I forgot until I was sitting in Everett's doctor's office with him (for a regular checkup) and she asked if that was me beeping.  It was the patch saying it was about to start LOL  

The neulasta may cause bone ache because it's job is to increase white blood cell production and that happens in the bone marrow, which can cause them to ache.  So far, so good though.  

So far I've still been able to get in my morning coffee so I think I can stay strong as long as I can have my coffee LOL  

The kids are being really great and making sure I'm feeling okay.  I'm blessed to have wonderful friends who helped me with the twins yesterday.  It's the little things, like my friend Jill offering to take them off my hands for the morning, although I was feeling well enough to go too.  And Corinne staying with me in the bathroom after they went potty so she could hold them up to help them wash their hands.  Those are little things that people don't realize I'll need help with (I can't do any heavy lifting for the next 10 days or so because of the port surgery).  I'm so glad to have such wonderful people to help and support me throughout this journey.  Ya'll will never know how much it means to us!   We appreciate every note, prayer, offer of help & meal that we've received.