Good Riddance 2016!

A lot of people have been dubbing 2016 as the worst year ever on social media. Everyone has their reasons- from the deaths of so many wonderful celebrities to the election, Brexit, Allepo, and unfortunately, personal tragedies as well.  2016 was a pretty dang crappy year for me, beginning with diagnosis on Dec 23, 2015.  It was scary in the beginning, emotionally and physically draining through chemo and then the emotional roller coaster after my bilateral mastectomy.

I've learned so much about breast cancer and the different types.  Did you know that many people, including young women, are still dying from this disease?  I am in a group on facebook for young women with breast cancer (under 50).  We have lost so many women this year.  Women who were just beginning their lives as mothers, wives, sisters & daughters.  I am one of the lucky ones.  I went through the hell of treatment but I've come out the other side alive, mostly physically and emotionally intact.  I thank God every day that I am still here and I pray that no more beautiful lives are lost to this disease.

But I also learned a lot about myself in 2016- I am so much stronger than I ever imagined I could be.  I have learned to try to always interpret ill-spoken comments as well-meaning and not meant to be hurtful.  I offer others grace and am working on doing the same for myself.  I have learned what is truly important.  I learned how amazing my group of friends are and how willing they were to lend a hand.

When we wake up in 2 days on Jan 1, 2017, it won't be all flowers and rainbows and song. Cancer will not forever be gone from my life- I will be always looking over my shoulder and cancer will always be the first thought with every new ache and pain. We will all still need to fight the good fight and band together to help one another.  I still have faith in humanity, which this disease has shown me just how wonderful and caring people really are.

I thank everyone who has supported me and my family this past year- a prayer, a kind word, a shoulder to cry on and meals when I didn't feel so hot.  You all made it possible for me to get through cancer treatment.

2017 brings new challenges for the Longoria crew- Ray's retirement from the Marine Corps, a new job, a move to TX and a new way of life away from the military for all of us.  I wish you all a very happy and healthy 2017.  Don't forget to do those self-exams!

 From my crazy family to yours, Happy New Year!!

9 days post surgery and feeling a bit better

As many of you may have seen on facebook, I was disappointed with the results when I first saw my foobs last Monday.  The shape is very different than I expected and initially they felt very "plastic".  But they're feeling more natural now.  The rippling of the implant at the top is still somewhat obvious, but hopefully once I have the fat grafting done in early March, it won't be an issue anymore. I go back tomorrow to hopefully have the drains taken out.  They are such a pain!

I had a pretty crappy day that Monday after surgery, but that level of emotion is seriously draining.  I know it sounds crazy, but it's just easier to accept the results.  This doesn't mean that I won't continue to fight for the best new foobs, but the crying and such isn't worth the effort right now :P  I also trust my surgeon and know that he'll do everything he can to make me happy.

In other news, I've been thinking about tattoos.  Part of me wants to have nipple tattoos done, but a bigger part of me wants a really beautiful floral tattoo.  I always come back to this one:

isn't it beautiful?  I'd probably add some elements of me into it, but I'd love something like this.  Besides, only Ray, my docs and I would see them.  The tattoos will be the very last thing that happens, so it might be at least another year.  

So that's my latest update.  The plan is to do fat grafting early March.  Hopefully that'll make me happier!  

Surgery 2- Done!

Yesterday was my "switch" surgery- it was outpatient and much quicker & less complicated than my last surgery.  It only took about 2 hours & everything went well.  

There's definitely a lot of differences from the last surgery.  I'm not in as much pain but I can feel the incisions this time and they hurt!  Last time I completely lost feeling so I couldn't even feel where they cut me.  The drains are painful again (argh!) but my chest isn't nearly as sore/tight.  Last time it felt like my muscles had been pulled super tight and I couldn't really lift my arms past my shoulders.  My chest is just sore now but no tightness.  I think this will be much easier (and quicker) to heal from.

I see my plastic surgeon on Monday and although he said he probably won't be able to take the drains out at the appt, just him saying that gives me hope that the drains will come out a lot sooner than the 2.5 weeks it took last time.  The drains are such a pain. 

I'll get to see the new foobs on Monday...I hope I'm not disappointed.  They can't be any worse than the terrible expanders, right?  Already I can tell that they are so much softer than the expanders.  woot!  I am so excited to be able to cross my arms across my chest, sleep on my stomach and have cleavage again.  It probably doesn't seem like a big deal, but I missed those things :P  

Here I am before surgery yesterday, I was SO ready:

Then after surgery:

So that's the update.  Only 1 more surgery to go!  only 20 more days until my 1 year since diagnosis.  Phew- what a year!

I'm going to post pictures of my incisions...they aren't super nasty but I wanted to warn you- don't scroll down if you don't want to see them!

1 Week until surgery!

My next surgery is a week from today!  woot.  I'm very excited and hope that the implants will make me feel a bit more like me. It's hard to believe this year is finally coming to an end.  Yesterday marked 6 months since my last chemo.  We're less than a month from my 1 year anniversary since diagnosis  Wow!

I'll be really glad to bid 2016 goodbye.  I have mixed feelings about the year...it seriously sucked but at the same time I realized how strong I can be.  It was definitely a journey!  All in all, I'll be glad when it's over.  2017 WILL be our year!!

Part of me wants to share the progress photos I've taken since taking off those first bandages, but I'm not sure how or where.  They aren't something that I really want out there publicly, but at the same time something I'd like to share for when people tell me how perky my chest is now, not understanding that I'd take my old saggy breasts over what's left.

My chest is no longer something sexual or what I even consider part of my body.  I wonder if there's a way to have a password protected that will not allow downloads or screenshots.  That would be ideal.  Then I could give the password to whoever asks and not worry about my photos being copied or saved.

I'll look into that &see if I can find a safe way to share my progress photos.

Celebration of Life Reception

This afternoon Ray and I went to the Celebration of Life Reception at the Breast Center.  It was really nice- we got to see my breast surgeon & her staff as well as signing the Survivor's chair & quilt.
One of the surgeons bought and donated a brand new chair for us to sign & I was the first to sign it!

Here's the quilt, it has signatures all the way back to 2003!

My breast surgeon, Dr. Jacobs.  She said be sure to take a picture because we'll

 never see her in pink again LOL 

It was a lovely afternoon and it was wonderful seeing the surgeon, her wonderful staff and especially other survivors.  I'm so glad Ray was able to come and experience it with me, especially since he's always been such a huge support to me throughout this journey!

Looks like we made it

I remember the first time we were in the waiting room at the breast center to see the breast surgeon, after I knew I had cancer, but before we understood any of the details.  I saw a chair with many signatures of survivors on it and wondered if I'd ever get to sign it.  I hadn't really thought about it much since then, but I was so pleased when I got this in the mail the other day:

This invitation really makes me feel like I made it through this whole ordeal.  It's funny that this is the thing that makes me feel 'cured' but, for some reason, validation from the breast center is what I needed.  I still can't believe that we're finally through the worst of this!   

It's been 4 months since my last chemo- which means I'm officially off chemo as long as I was on it. Wow.   Just wow.  What a difference 4 months makes!  Check out the hair growth from chemo til now:

I guess this means that my blog is winding down.  I struggle to come up with topics to blog about...I will continue to blog with any surgery and appointment updates, but they are so few and far between now so it won't be that often.  I'm considering starting a blog for everyday stuff, but I feel like that needs to be an entirely separate blog. I'll be sure to let everyone know if I end up doing that so you can follow along if you'd like!

I cannot express how much everyone's support, prayers and love has helped me through this.  And it turns out that blogging really helped me through this journey too, more than I ever expected.  I have yet to go back and read any of this blog, but I'm glad that I have the option to do so, when I'm ready.  One of the reasons I wanted to start it was so that I could always remember how I felt during all of the treatments.  That and keep others informed as well as maybe someday helping someone else through this.  If I can help just one person, it was all worth it.

I'll be getting an early Christmas present

I saw my plastic surgeon yesterday and we scheduled my next surgery!  My skin expanders have done their job and I'm ready to have them taken out and have the final implants put in.  I'll be so happy to get these awkward hard expanders out!  My surgery date is Dec 2nd, hence the early Christmas present.  I really hope the implants will make me feel more like the old me.

Speaking of the old me, I started an 8 week bootcamp challenge on Monday.  So far I'm loving it, although I'm pretty sure there isn't a muscle in my body that isn't screaming at me! But it feels good to be working out again, and I feel like the "old" me.  The old out-of-shape me, but still the old me that could do more than just walk from my bed to the couch. I'm officially down 14 pounds from my highest chemo weight and only about 10lbs to go until I'm back down to my original "fat weight." It  boggles me how out of shape and weak I am, but we all have to start somewhere, right?

I see my oncologist tomorrow for a follow up to discuss the tamoxifen.  So far, so good- no real side effects, which is great.  And I was kind of known at the oncologist's office for my wacky shirts, so this came just in time (today)!

After I put it on I wondered if it is something I should have worn during chemo, when I actually had cancer, but I decided that it can mean that I beat cancer too.  I really want a shirt that says, "I made cancer my b!tch" but most of my kids can read, so...that's a no go.  It is true though!

I plan to go back and say hello to my chemo nurse Nikki.  I haven't seen her since my last chemo at the end of May.  It'll be great to say hello and not worry about her sticking me with a needle LOL