It's coming in pretty well. It's got more gray than before I lost it, but I'm chalking that up to my follicles not producing color for all the hairs yet. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
I was finally able to get my drains out yesterday! I saw the breast surgeon on Monday but when they called the plastic surgeon's office to ask if they could pull the drains, he said he wanted to do it at my tuesday appt with him. So it was one more night with those dang things. I was worried that it would hurt having them pulled out, but I actually didn't feel anything- I had to ask if they were out. The tube that was in my body was a lot longer than I expected. The body is a pretty amazing machine. The nurse just put some gauze and tape on it and said to change it a couple times a day. There's still some drainage (tmi, sorry) but I feel SO much more free. Here's a pic of one of the drains before I got it out:
I'm almost 3 weeks post-op and am feeling pretty good. I have a weird tightness in my chest muscles so it hurts to raise my arms too high, so I'm starting the exercises the PT gave me to help with mobility. I had my expanders filled for the first time yesterday. It was really weird because he just put needles through my skin but I couldn't feel it at all. He had to tell me to look away when he put the needle in. I was afraid I'd be uncomfortable for a long time afterwards, but since I have no feeling and the expanders aren't under the muscle, I was just a little sore yesterday but feel fine today. I had the plastic surgeon explain how he is doing the implants because I was kind of freaking out about the expanders being over the muscle. Everything I've read says that implants above the muscle are more likely to travel, the skin isn't able to support them so it gets stretched out and other various issues. He told me that he wraps the implant in alloderm (cadaver skin) and then tacks it to the muscle, so I won't have an issue with it moving where it's not supposed to go. That made me feel so much better and stop worrying too much. I knew I should trust him but I was still freaking out a bit.
I still have 1 more important appointment to schedule and that's with my oncologist. She will prescribe me a drug called Tamoxifen that I'll need to take for the next 10 years. It should prevent my hormones from growing another cancerous tumor. Hopefully I can get in to see her next week.
I saw my regular doctor yesterday to talk about how I've been feeling. Luckily I'm getting used to the scars and with having the expanders filled, I look more like I actually have boobs, but I still have periods of sadness. I was told by the breast surgeon that it's very common to have this issue after surgery. She said a lot of people are so focused on getting through the treatments that once there are no more treatments, they have the time to sit back and realize that they had cancer and that they lost part of themselves (literally). I can see what she means- we've been focusing on that next chemo, and then the surgery and also still being a mom and finishing up the school year and planning the summer. I spent a lot of time in my room that first week after surgery and I had a lot of time to think and feel sorry for myself. Maybe not feel sorry for myself, but let myself fall apart a bit. I've tried to be so strong throughout this fight and I've stumbled many times, but for the most part, I think I've done a good job of staying positive.
All that said, I still worry that people are going to expect me to go back to being that old person, the pre-cancer Tara. But my life has forever been changed. It wasn't anything I'd ever choose, but I do feel like it's given me a perspective and understanding beyond what I could ever have learned without cancer.
I'm still so amazed at how many people sent cards, flowers, gift cards, made meals, said prayers or just sent me messages of love and support. I'm in a fb group for women with breast cancer and so many of them talk about the lack of support they're getting. I haven't felt unsupported even for a minute throughout all of this. For that, I can never say thank you enough. All I can do is pay all of your kindness forward and hopefully make it a little bit easier on someone going through a tough time. God is good and he has provided me with an amazing group of friends and family around me.
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