This week's Taxol experience

It's so strange how differently I feel after this Taxol than the first dose.  Last time I was SO achey, had a sore throat and was very tired.  This time, I actually had a reaction to the dose (shortness of breath), so they pushed an 'emergency' steroid as well as more benadryl, which made it possible for me to get the rest of the Taxol dose without issue.  Here it is Friday and I swear I'm still jittery from the extra steroids!  Fortunately, I don't have as much achiness or the sore throat but I'm still super tired.  Fatigued is probably a more accurate word- I just feel like I physically can't do anything, my body is so tired.
I can tell my taste buds are changing as well- things just don't really taste right.  Like everything is muted and there's a weird taste in my mouth.  It's not extreme though, so bearable.

Beyond that, I'm just chugging along.  I can't wait to be done with this part of the journey.

I have a couple of appointments coming up- I see the breast surgeon on May 27 & the plastic surgeon on June 16.  I'm figuring I'll have another MRI between now and then to see how the lump is looking.  It does feel very different- still there but much softer and less defined.  The surgery is still tentatively scheduled for July 8th.

A few notes on healthcare

Another week down, only about 7 to go until this journey is over.  Well, at least this part of the journey is almost over.  I'll be honest, it's been a lot harder than I ever could have imagined.  But the support I've gotten has been beyond what I could have ever expected too.  From the cards, the messages, the meals and gift cards.  Opening the door on a completely craptastic day last week and finding these beautiful flowers from ladies that I've known (and loved!) online for the last 4 years:

I even had a friend INSIST on going grocery shopping for me earlier this week, even though I told her I didn't need her to (thank you so much Briana, we are so going to miss you!). If ya'll know me, you know that it's really hard for me to ask for help.  But I haven't even had to.  It seriously brings me to tears to think of all the people who've helped me in some way.  I just hope that someday I can pay all of this love and support forward!  

I met with my oncologist yesterday- they've worked it out so I see her about every two weeks. She's such a nice person and I'm glad she didn't act weird when I cried a little about all of this LOL  She promised me that chemo is the absolute worst part of this journey and reminded me that I'm over halfway there.  It definitely takes a special person to make this a career and to help people.  I've been fortunate to have really great doctors and nurses tend to me so far.

I was asked AGAIN yesterday if I had a referral.  This happened early March and I had a meltdown because it was on a chemo day and I was so scared that they wouldn't let me do chemo and it'd screw up my schedule.  They told me to call my doc's office, but luckily this time I didn't stress because I knew that I had a referral but just didn't have it with me (I keep it with my chemo bag that I only bring on chemo days).  I knew my doc's office didn't open until 11am on Tuesdays so I told her I'd call later.  Then I was told to stop by the financial office before I left.  My question is, if they have a financial office, why can't THEY call and ask for a referral?  Why put that on the back of someone who is fighting cancer?  Seriously, it makes absolutely no sense to me.  I wanted to tell the receptionist CALL THEM YOURSELVES.  ugh.  I also got back my claim for the wig, err, prosthetic device, saying that my claim wasn't complete.  I had a referral from my doctor but apparently saying I had breast cancer and am going through chemo isn't enough of a reason for them to cover the cost of my wig :/  what the heck?  argh.  I know I shouldn't complain too much because we have great insurance, but little stuff like this has put me over the edge just too many times.  Of course I forgot to ask my oncologist about writing a new prescription for the wig, so hopefully I'll remember to bring it up next week at chemo.

I just realized that I forgot to sing the praises of my most awesome supporter- Ray.  Today we've been married for 14 years and there's a lot of things that I wouldn't have been able to get through without him, but especially this.  He's been my rock, supporting me on my bad days and encouraging me to continue to do the things I enjoy on my good days.  He takes care of the kids, makes dinners (kind of- hot dogs and chips is a dinner, right? :P ), does laundry, cleans up when he can & pretends not to notice the weight I've gained.  So, to you, my dear Ray, I say thank you so much for being the best husband and father I could have ever imagined.  You are my everything and I love you to the moon and back!  Happy Anniversary!!

First Taxol down, 3 to go

Yesterday was my first Taxol infusion.  It was a pretty long day because they had to start the infusion super slowly to make sure I didn't have a reaction.  Luckily I usually don't have an issue with new meds, so she was able to speed it up without any problems.  Today I'm just super tired.  Woke up feeling okay and ran errands with the twins this morning (which in itself is exhausting LOL) but by the time I put them down for quiet time (they don't really nap anymore), I fell into my bed and napped for a solid 2 hours but woke up just as tired.  I got up anyway and did some minor housework (a little laundry) and still plan to go to dog training tonight.  The NP said getting out and walking really helps with the tiredness, so hanging out with the dog people and doing some training fits the bill.  Plus it gets me a little break from these adorable little ankle biters that have been trying to drive me to the crazy today!
I got a call from my plastic surgeon's office today with a tentative surgery date of July 8th.  I'm glad that we're closer to a date, but I can't say I'm thrilled either.  I made the decision right away that I wanted to be aggressive with the surgery, but I'm still pretty freaked out about it.  Most people I talk to say they'd do exactly the same as I'm doing & I've always said the same, but it's still hard to actually say goodbye to this part of my body.  The part that first made me feel and look like a woman, that nourished all 5 of my children- I nursed them for a total of 8 years (if you don't count the twins tandemly)!  I know it's the right thing to do for me though so I'm going to be strong and maybe throw a little "goodbye to my boobs!" party before surgery LOL
I'm sure I'll be fine once we get to that portion of this journey.  The emotional part has really been a lot harder than I expected.  I had the initial very emotional time before I knew much about my stage and thought about the possibility of not being here for the kids, but once we found out that I have "best case scenario" breast cancer, I thought the emotions wouldn't be so high.  But they've worn me down more than I expected.  I'm keeping my head up though and am happy that we've made it this far!  Soon this chemo portion will be behind me and we'll be on to the next obstacle- the last obstacle!

I've decided to start ordering/collecting cancer tshirts to wear throughout the rest of my journey.  I ordered 4 yesterday!  I actually designed 2 of them myself (hoping they turn out) and then got these two from another site:

I couldn't really resist the first one LOL  I think I'll make myself a lap quilt with the t shirts once I'm done wearing them.  I'm hoping to have another made with my last chemo day date on it :D

It turns out I just don't know how to read a calendar

I thought I only had 2 weeks between my last AC and my first Taxol, but it turns out that I didn't read the calendar correctly and I do actually have 3 weeks between treatments. Oops. I guess I'm happy with a break, but in a way I just want to start the Taxol so I can be closer to being done.

I saw the oncologist on Tuesday for my follow up and we discussed the upcoming protocol for Taxol.  Apparently there's more of a chance that I'll have a reaction to it, so I have to prepare by taking steroids 12 hours and 6 hours before I get the chemo.  I have been taking 1 steroid pill a day for the 4 days following chemo.  I'll be taking the same steroid, but this time I'll take FIVE pills 12 hours before and then another FIVE pills 6 hours before.  Joy!  I am going to be climbing off the walls with that many steroids pumping through my veins.  Yikes!  She said if I respond well, we can back off on the steroids a bit, so hopefully it'll go well.  I was hoping I wouldn't have to have the neulasta patches anymore (my nurse didn't think so) but because I'm getting the "big dose" of Taxol, I'll still have to endure it.  They call it the "big dose" because the older people usually get 12 smaller doses weekly but since I'm so young (I seriously LOVE saying that LOL), I'll be getting 4 larger doses every 2 weeks.  Dr. S said that the major side effects are bone ache and neuropathy (tingling in the hands and feet), but the tiredness shouldn't be as bad.  I've heard that food loses it's taste too, but that was from others I know who've gone through this treatment.  Maybe that'll help keep my weight gain down?!

In other news, Sunny has ringworm.  We weren't 100% sure he had it (the culture hasn't come back positive, or I should say the vet's office hasn't called to let me know) but Easton has a definite patch of ringworm on his neck, so I'm going to go out on a limb and say Sunny has it too.  Oy!  I really hope no one else gets it, everyone else is all of the sudden super itchy all over and we all are worried a patch will pop up on us.  I feel like my scalp is constantly itchy, but I'm hoping it's just from the random weather change (hot one day, freezing the next- wth mother nature?!).

I'm feeling pretty good lately, although I'm SO tired all the time.  I have decent days and then not so great days.  I think my body is just so worn down from all the poison.  I had another pretty bad bout of insomnia on Wed night/Thurs morning, which seems to be my insomnia night for some odd reason.  I wasn't able to fall asleep until 4:30am.  On the bright side, I did find a new show to watch on demand- Hollywood Medium LOL

On a random side note, I almost puked when I saw this at BJ's the other day.  I'm pretty sure because of the Adriamycin, which my nurse called "red koolaid" but is better known on the internets as "red devil", I'll never be able to drink anything red ever again.  I'm not saying that's necessarily a bad thing, but this koolaid literally looks just like the crap Nikki pushed into my veins:

I think I'm going to see a lot of things differently after this journey is over!