One Year today

I wouldn't have posted this photo a year ago- me at one of my most vulnerable moments in my fight against breast cancer.

but today it represents how far I've come in the past year.  4 surgeries, countless appointments with my plastic surgeon for "fills" and follow ups with my oncologist and breast surgeon.  I've been cut, poked and prodded, have smiled and have cried.  I've had ups and downs but for the most part, today, I'm okay with what's left on my chest.  It's not the real me and I do still mourn what's gone.

But today I choose to celebrate!  This is the day I was declared NED- no evidence of disease.  When I really became a survivor.
I wore this shirt for the first time in a long time today:

It's strange because everyone I meet now (here in TX) doesn't know my story, which is kind of nice.  Although I'm afraid they think that this hairstyle is a choice LOL  (it's at a really awkward length right now). 

Hug your friends and family today and don't forget to check those boobies!

Final surgery and insignificant milestones

You guys, I ran out of conditioner the other day...for the first time since my hair started growing back in!  It's funny how these silly things that no one else would see as more than a nuisance, for me are something of a milestone.  I was so excited when I realized this was my first full bottle of conditioner.  Silly, but they are all my little victories.  My hair isn't growing in as fast as I'd like, but hey, I have hair, so that's all good.  Part of me wants to jump forward to 6 months from now where I'll be further away from my story.  But I've decided to instead just enjoy every day.  It's the little things, I'm trying to keep that in perspective.

In bigger news, I had my (hopefully) final surgery on Monday!  Things went well and I'm just basically really sore and very bruised.  The surgeon entered below my csection scar to get the fat for the grafting.  The pain is very reminiscent of my c-section.  The first couple of days were difficult, but I'm feeling much better today.

I'm so glad to be done with reconstruction.  I'm really hoping this is the last surgery!  The only thing that could go wrong is the fat gets reabsorbs and I'll have to do this again.

I will tell you, plastic surgery is no joke.  It was probably my hardest surgery to wake up from, as far as pain goes.  None of the heavy drugs that I have really touched the pain.  Not tylenol with codeine, not percocet or vicodin.  I stopped taking the meds on the morning of day 2 because they really didn't do much.  The bruising is pretty intense as well.  And of course, just my luck, every where that he put the fat is where I have feeling.  Go figure.  So if anyone tells you that they are having an elective surgery, don't judge.  It's just as hard to recover from than a necessary surgery.

The bruises are wicked and I have a feeling I'll come out of this with more scars than I went into it with, but I'm glad to be done.

Here's just a sample of the bruising around the foobs:

I have several holes (the best way to describe them) around my implants that I'm pretty sure will leave scarring, and of course the 2 bigger holes where he did the liposuction.    

What a roller coaster this past 15 months has been.  Our family is preparing for a new type of roller coaster but a much happier one.  We are no longer a military family, but a veteran family now that Ray has retired from the Marine Corps.  Ray has moved ahead of us to TX and we will follow at the end of May.  We're all so excited for a new life in a different state!

Another surgery during surgery time

**Warning for anyone who isn't the proud owner of their very own uterus:  This post contains 

some female stuff but I promise I won't be graphic**

In mid-November I got my first post-chemo period, which wasn't completely unexpected since my oncologist said that it was possible (yes, I really did just jump right in).  Due to pregnancies, nursing the twins and then an IUD (that I had removed during chemo), I haven't had a period since Jan of 2012.  So it was an unwelcome visitor, but at least a sign that I'm not in full blown menopause.  Anyway, imagine my surprise when just 2 weeks later I had another period begin.  So I called my oncologist's office and was told that it was probably nothing, but she wanted me to see my gynecologist for a checkup, just in case.  I finally was able to get in to see her on Friday.

I really expected her to tell me that it was just my body trying to readjust to getting a period.  Instead she told me that she suspected I'm dealing with uterine polyps.  Apparently tamoxifen (my anti-cancer medicine) has a tendency to cause extra tissue buildup in the uterus.  Her words were, "it's good for the breasts, but not so great for the uterus."  Great.  So she gave me a few options but since sometimes breast & uterine cancer are connected, we've decided to go with the option that will give us the most complete results.  

So, I'll be having an additional surgery while I'm under for the fat grafting surgery on March 3.  She will go into the uterus with a camera, look for polyps, scrape out all the extra tissue (ouch!) and then look for any "suspect" areas.  If she sees anything, she will take samples for testing.  

I'm not gonna lie, hearing the word cancer again freaks me out.  I'm sure it's nothing, I really am, but I'm finding myself feeling very anxious.  I think the combo of my 1 year anniversary since my first chemo and this news is freaking me out.  I haven't thought about chemo in a long time and just driving by the medical building yesterday made me uneasy.  

BUT I'm not going to think about it...we have so much going on in the next month that I have plenty to keep my hands and mind occupied! We're so busy with doctor's appointments, prepping for Ray's retirement (what?!) & our upcoming Disney vacation.  This will help keep my mind off of things!

Last surgery SCHEDULED!

I saw my plastic surgeon last week to follow up on my exchange surgery and we scheduled the (hopefully) final surgery!  I'll be going in March 3 for the fat grafting surgery.  I've heard it's not too bad to heal from, it just feels like you did a really hard workout.  I hope that's correct!  The surgeon will be taking the fat from my stomach, so I finally will have a flat stomach again.  Believe it or not, even after all 5 kids my stomach was pretty flat, but chemo did me in.

In other news, this popped up yesterday when I updated my weight in the fitbit app:

Pretty cool, eh?  It definitely took longer than I'd hoped, but for the first time in as long as I can remember, I didn't gain weight over the holidays!  In fact, I lost weight.  I'm starting that boot camp challenge again next week so you'll be sure to see my early morning check ins on facebook.  I'll have to weigh in/do measurements about 9 days early because my surgery happens before the end of the challenge. Although he's returning the fat he's taking out to my body, it'll change my measurements.  So hopefully I can kill it between now and March 2.  

I've been off of sugar since Dec 31st and have been doing keto since Dec 27 (I had a slip up on New Year's Eve and had some ice cream).  If you don't know me well, this is quite the feat.  I'm feeling great and loving the keto way of life.  

I'm coming up on a lot of first anniversaries.  I'm going to be honest, sometimes it seemed like I'd never be looking back on my treatment.  It feels good to look forward to a happy healthy year instead of one fighting cancer.  

I see my oncologist tomorrow for my 2nd checkup since finishing chemo.  I'm going to talk to her about some issues I'm still having- like forgetfulness & a few side effects of the Tamoxifen.  I also think that chemo made me ADD.  I've always been a bit of an unorganized mess, but I'm a complete mess now.  I'm not sure there's much she can do for me, but dang, I need some help haha.