Eat, drink & be merry, for Tuesday there will be chemo..

I spoke with my oncologist and we set Tuesday as my first day of chemo.  I'd originally wanted Wed as my "chemo day" but she's not there on Weds. so Tuesday it is.  So, this weekend I've thrown the diet out the window and am enjoying what I want, food and drink-wise.  From what I heard, things taste very differently once chemo begins. 

 I was originally scheduled to have my port put in on Wed morning, but I need to schedule it at the end of the following week.  Hopefully they can get me in because I can only have 1 chemo through my veins.

I saw the plastic surgeon on Thursday.  I really liked him as well, he was very friendly and laughed at my jokes!  The breast surgeon clearly doesn't have anything to do with scheduling & really has no idea how much is behind it.  She told me on Jan 8 that we could have surgery by the end of the month.  The plastic surgeon said it takes 6 weeks minimum to coordinate their schedules & the hospital books the OR up to 3 months in advance for  the 4+ hour surgery.  So, I'm really glad that we're doing chemo first.  

I'm not gonna lie, it was a bit crazy to stand in front of a full-length mirror with some dude I just met manipulating my boobs and asking if I'm happy with the size & shape LOL  I've seen similar situations on those plastic surgery shows and never thought it'd be me.  Ray was a bit offended that Dr. C didn't ask him if he was happy with the size and shape (haha, he was just joking).

In other news, in order to get ready for the big bald head, I've cut my hair in stages.  About 2.5 weeks ago I went and had it cut to my shoulders:

I liked the cut, especially when I let it go naturally wavy.  I, of course, never got a pic of that LOL 

Then yesterday I went back and had it cut into more of a pixie cut.  Now THIS feels super weird!  I've never had my hair this short. It seriously feels like a man's head in the back LOL  

I'm adjusting to it, but I figure it'll be about 2 or so weeks until it's time to shave it.  Stay tuned- I'll definitely be taking pics of that and allowing the kids to help shave it!  I still can't imagine myself bald, I sure hope I don't have a weird shaped head!  

Appointments are coming quickly and often!

Phew!  I'm going to need a color coded appointment book to keep up with all of my appointments.  I had my EKG this morning (after a small delay with the referral), I see the plastic surgeon tomorrow afternoon & have an appointment to have my port put in next Wed morning.  I was hoping to make Wed my "chemo day" so if they can get me in for chemo on Wed, I'll have to change the port placement appointment (I can't do both in one day and the doc said it's okay to have 1 treatment through an IV).  I'm hoping that it'll be late friday/early saturday before the chemo side effects hit me and Ray will be home to do everything for the minions & I will be able to rest.

 I spoke with a nurse patient advocate yesterday (from my PCM's office, NOT the one that I was supposed to be referred to by the breast surgeon's office).  She was super nice and gave me some great information.  She also checked and saw that my MRI results are in- no lymph node involvement and just one other very tiny lump in the same breast.  That's great news that there's no lymph node involvement and means I most likely won't need radiation after my surgery this summer.

I'm trying to get the house in order before I start treatment, but let's be honest, I've never been the most organized person LOL  I do have 4 huge bags to drop off at goodwill this afternoon & I'll soon be going through summer clothes again and getting rid of what doesn't fit so that should help a bit.  I'm thinking of selling off most of my fabric stash and boxing up my machines since I haven't been sewing lately and may not feel up to it.

In the meantime, I'm enjoy these endless snow days with the kids (okay, so going a bit crazy).  I hope everyone else isn't going too crazy with snowmageddon 2016.  Luckily it only pushed my EKG back by 1 day and hasn't really affected any other appointments.  Bring on the treatments!

It's been 1 month since my diagnosis

Well, technically 1 month and 1 day, since I got my diagnosis on Wed, Dec 23rd.  But it feels like it's been so much longer though, because I was given the diagnosis by my PCM and I had to wait over 2 weeks to see the Breast specialist to get any real information.

What have I learned in this month? 

First, I've learned way more about breast cancer, staging, testing & treatment than I ever thought I'd need to know.  I'm far from an expert, but I can definitely explain the basics to anyone who's interested.

I learned a lot about other people:

 

It turns out breast cancer is a lot like a miscarriage, you just don't realize how many people have suffered through it until you yourself have.  I understand that breast cancer isn't something you run around telling everyone you're fighting or you've fought, but I do wish there was some sort of hand signal or something, so I could recognize a survivor easily & someday a new diagnosis can recognize me as a survivor.  Since I've been so open about my diagnosis, many people have come to me to share their experience with me, which I am so grateful for.  It's so wonderful to have such support and know that life can get right back to normal after my treatment.  

I'm pretty shocked at how many people will try to push their 'healthier, less invasive, natural cures' onto someone with cancer.  I'm not talking about anyone on my friend's list, but instead what I've witnessed when others share their diagnosis in various groups I'm in, none of which are 'cancer groups, by the way.  Or random individuals who have msged me asking if I've considered oils for my cure.  I appreciate that you have that much faith in your products, but how dare you try to profit from my or other's diagnosis?  To these people, I say, "Gamble with your own life, not mine."  If you have the misfortune of finding out you have cancer, please, do whatever treatment you think is best.  I realize that my cancer is not something that is uncureable, but if left untreated, it can & will spread, threatening my life.  So for me, I will take the advice of a medical field that has done decades and decades of research and has changed the survivability of cancer. ;)  I'm not opposed to natural solutions in conjunction with medical, but not alone.

All that said, I'm still humbled and so touched by the outpouring of love & support I've received from so many people. I appreciate everyone's kind words, prayers and vibes of healing & strength for me and my family.  I had so many people offer to get me in touch with someone they know who has walked this journey ahead of me, and for that I am so grateful.  I've been on the lookout for support groups on fb but I'm surprised that there aren't any groups for younger women diagnosed with breast cancer.  Maybe I'll start one myself for other ladies like me who are going through this.

I've also learned a lot about myself:

Those that know me well enough know that I can joke in sometimes the most unlikely times.  This is definitely one of those times.  It's pretty funny to see how some people take my joking about something as serious as cancer.  I almost feel sorry for my new oncologist and her staff.  While she was doing my exam, I joked about being done with these old saggy boobs. I've told others about the benefit of getting new perky boobs for free, with bonus liposuction on my trouble areas.  I told Ray I want a shirt that says, "body by breast cancer" when this is all over with.  For those that don't share my sense of humor, my intention is definitely not to offend and I hope I never do offend anyone.  But I am going to come at this as me, sometimes a bit crude and raw, but always just me.  

I'm learning to be my own advocate.  I am so upset with the lack of communication and information I was given at the breast surgeon's office.  I learned more about local support from a simple pamphlet in the oncologist's waiting room than I ever got from the breast surgeon's office.  The receptionist didn't follow through with pretty much anything she said she would.  Starting with calling the oncologist's office to ask if they take my insurance (when I checked with her, she basically just told me to go ahead and call myself), not sending on my information to the Nurse Patient Advocate or responding to a inquiry about coordinating with the plastic surgeon.  I plan to contact the surgeon's office this week to discuss my disappointment with their services.  As the first point of contact for people like me, just diagnosed with breast cancer, they have really dropped the ball.  I'm hoping it's only with me, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's not their standard care.  

The oncologist's office has been amazing. The receptionist was already on the phone with the cardiologist's office to schedule my echocardiogram when I sat down with her to checkout.  I was called within 3 hours of my appointment by their advocate with information on all the resources available to me, as a woman diagnosed with cancer under the age of 40.  I am so glad that they are so supportive and helpful.

I thought for sure I'd be a hot crying mess throughout this whole experience, but I'm done with that part of this journey...or at least I think so.  I don't feel like a victim and we haven't questioned God once.  I don't even think I've thought "Why me?" more than once.  We've been given this challenge and I think it will not only be a blip in our life a year from now, but also a wonderful learning experience. It's helped me remember what the important things in life are: family & friends.  It's helped me define those that I want to keep in my life and those that I need to distance myself from.  

I've learned a lot about the strength of my children as well:

We wanted to wait until we had a definite plan of action before telling the children.  Ray and I know that the big C word can be scary and overwhelming for children, especially the younger ones. Once we got what we thought was our plan of action (surgery first) we sat down with Emeline to tell her the news.  She surprised us by saying she kind of already knew.  Apparently she'd seen something I'd left out (oops) and figured it out herself.  We asked why she hadn't told us and she said, "I figured you'd tell me when you were ready to."  Who is this child?!  We told Everett & Elianna & they have taken it in stride.  Unlike Emeline, they were pretty bummed that we won't be moving to TX this summer as we'd planned.  They understand that I'm going to lose my hair and Everett said he'll shave his in solidarity (probably mostly because Ray said he would).  But I'll take it.  I love these kids to the moon and back, and they are really the reason I'm able to be so optimistic.

One month down, only about 8 months to go!  Thank you all again for the support & love & for reading the ramblings of a young woman (haha!) learning about life & disease.  I love you all!

Finally! Some answers and a timeline

Who's ready to see what my head looks like bald?

(let's all pretend I'll be as pretty as Sinead bald :P )

 I saw the oncologist this morning and we decided to do chemotherapy before surgery.  With me being so young (haha, it's all in context, eh?!) and healthy, the doctor & I both felt that being aggressive is the best approach.  I'd rather kick cancer's ass good and hard once than worry about it rearing it's ugly head down the road.  I had blood drawn for genetic testing as well as some information that they will need for future Tara's treatments.  I have an echocardiogram scheduled for Tuesday morning, which will be used as a baseline to make sure my heart does fine with chemo. It's unexpected that I'll have any issues because again, I'm just so young (practically an infant, really), but it's a standard precaution.  

I'll have 2 different types of chemo, for those in the biz, called AC-T.  The first, AC, is a combo and will be given every 2 weeks for 4 rounds, so a total of 8 weeks.  The next, T, is also given every 2 weeks for 4 rounds.  The oncologist is hoping to have my first treatment next week.  So, in 16 weeks I'll be done and ready to schedule surgery for new, cancer-free boobs.  

I got a really good vibe from the oncologist's office and feel really good about the next step.  My gut says that this is the right step.  

Thank you all for following along on my journey!  I'll post more thoughts and musings soon, but now I need to take the doggie out and exercise her before snowmageddon 2016 hits and we are all snowed in for days LOL  

Love to you all & welcome to my journey!

An update of sorts, and a new family member!

This week is packed full of appointments, so stay tuned!  Tomorrow afternoon I will have the breast MRI that was scheduled for last Friday (but was put off because they hadn't gotten approval from my insurance company yet- argh!).  Thursday morning I will see my regular doctor- an appt that was scheduled before all of this Cancer mess but I plan to use it to update him on what's going on.  Then finally, Friday morning Ray and I will meet with the oncologist and hopefully get her treatment plan.  I'd like to see if she thinks chemo first is the best treatment or surgery, like the breast surgeon said.

I've not been 100% happy with my care at the breast surgeon's office.  Not only did the receptionist not call Maryland Oncology like she said she would (and told me to do it when I called to inquire), but she also hasn't passed on my information to the nurse patient advocate.  Or if she has, that person hasn't called me yet.  I also emailed the breast specialist's office last week inquiring if she and the plastic surgeon can begin looking at surgery dates now instead of waiting until I see him at the end of the month.  I haven't received any response at all, which I find troubling.  Even if it's a quick, "no, we can't do that" I'd be okay with that.  But the lack of communication is troubling.

I am going to call my insurance company today to see if I can be assigned a patient advocate that can make sure everything gets approved in a timely manner on their end.  There really is no reason I should have to wait 10 days to have an MRI because the insurance has yet to approve it.

I'm in the process of writing a list of questions to ask the oncologist.  The breast specialist said a few things that I'm hoping she will feel differently about.  Hopefully Friday afternoon I will have a much clearer idea of when & which treatment we will begin with.

So that's the medical update.  How about a fun update?!  As many of you know, I lost my sweet Oliver boy on Sept 13, 2014.  He was my "heart cat" and I was devastated to have to tell him goodbye.

Emeline & I have been pushing to get another cat for awhile now and Ray had finally agreed to let us get a cat once we moved and got settled in Texas. Well, now that we won't be moving this summer, he agreed that we could go pick out a cat sooner.  I found this really great, outgoing girl at petsmart.  I brought the twins to meet her then later friday afternoon took Emeline back.  We all loved her so I went back Friday evening to adopt her.  I was so sad when she was gone!  Emeline & I decided to look at it like she wasn't the right cat for us, so we ended up at Miracles cat & dog rescue in Ellicott City on Saturday afternoon.  There were a TON of kittens and cats there, but this sweet little black and white girl came up to us a few times & Emeline fell in love.  So, we brought little miss Mandy home on Saturday.  She's a bit shy, as she was picked up as a little thing with her 2 brothers in an abandoned area and has never been in a house.  Her brothers were adopted quickly but little miss has spent the last 8-10 months at the rescue.  She's sweet as can be though!  She's going to take a little while to warm up to the chaos of our household, so she's getting used to the craziness from afar in our bedroom/bathroom for now.  I know she'll be a great addition once she gets used to it here- she's never growled, spit, bit or swiped at anyone, even when stressed.  I'm looking forward to watching her blossom and enjoying years with this girl!  Welcome home, Mandy!

Super Frustrated

I was told to make 3 appointments this week (for this week) in order to start my cancer care.  1- schedule an MRI 2- see the oncologist 3- see the plastic surgeon

First I called American Radiology to get my MRI appt.  The doctor put in a referral so all should be well, right?  Nope.  Apparently they need to "check with my insurance" to make sure it'll get covered, which takes up to 5 business days.  So, I scheduled the appointment for Friday afternoon, which means the doctor won't see the results for at least a couple of days, pushing everything back a few days.

The receptionist at the breast specialist's office told us Friday that she would call the closest oncologist to make sure they take my insurance and she'd get back to me before noon today.  She even asked me to call her if I don't hear from her before lunch.  So I just called her when the office reopened from lunch and asked.  I asked if they'd gotten back to her about taking my insurance and she said no (i'm guessing she never even inquired) and told me to call myself.  I could have done that Friday & hopefully had an appointment by now!

I called the plastic surgeon's office first thing this morning, but surprise, I got a message saying that the scheduler was busy speaking to other people and I could leave a message.  I left a message and I still haven't gotten a call back.

Trying to make appointments on Monday is a terrible idea and all hope to get in to see everyone this week before Ray flies out to TX thursday afternoon is waning.

So what's a few extra days, right?  I feel like all I've done since I got my diagnosis is wait.  Wait to see the breast specialist & now wait to see everyone else.  The surgery is going to be tricky to schedule because both the breast surgeon and the plastic surgeon will both have to be available since I'll be having reconstruction at the same time as the mastectomy.

I'm glad I walked into the breast specialist's office already knowing my results, but I'm really frustrated that referrals weren't already put in for me to see at least the oncologist.  I mean, we knew I'd have to see one, so why couldn't someone have made my life just a tad easier and done that for me?

I'm just so so frustrated.  I know that this is everyday for the people in these offices, but it's not for me.  I just want to go crawl into my bed and wake up when it's time for treatment.  Dear Lord, give me the strength to make it through the next few weeks without losing it!

A big fat thank you!

I have gotten such a wonderful amount of love & prayers from so many people and I just want to say

It means SO much to me and I truly feel all your virtual hugs, love, prayers & vibes.  I never expected such a huge response.  It feels great to have so many people with me on this journey!

I am feeling pretty good emotionally.  I'm over the initial shock of my diagnosis and in fight mode.  Yesterday's appointment went as well as it could and we're so thankful for that. 

A few clarifications to my jumbled post yesterday.  I've been thinking about the whole chemo thing and when I said the doc made it sound like I wouldn't need chemo, I just misunderstood her.  Basically she was telling us that the pathology alone doesn't dictate chemo.  But the oncologist most likely will decide to order chemo because of my age and health.  I'm guessing this is a better safe than sorry approach.  Obviously I'll know more once I see the oncologist later this week (and I probably shouldn't even be speculating but that's hard for me LOL). 

We have decided to wait until we see the oncologist to talk to the kids.  I should be getting a call early in the week from a nurse patient advocate who I can discuss the best, age appropriate way to tell the kids.  She will also discuss a possible research study and answer any other questions we may have. 

All in all, I'm feel really positive and very good about what we know so far.  This will not beat me.

Finally some answers....sort of

Well, today's appointment finally came, although I felt like it never would.  I met Dr. Jacobs and Ray and I both liked her very much.  She did an exam, had me get dressed and then asked us to meet her in her office.  She gave us "breast cancer 101" and said that my pathology report had a lot of good stuff in it (cancer is progesterone & estrogen positive, meaning we can treat with meds) & a few not so good things (rate of growth). She didn't feel any lumps in my lymph nodes (good), although there was one "outlying" lump (not in my armpit) that was suspect. She's calling it stage 2 because of the size of my lump.  

Here's the next steps:  a breast MRI, consult with the plastic surgeon  & an appointment with the oncologist.  

In a nutshell, it sounds like I've got the best-case-scenario type of breast cancer.  I still have many unanswered questions, but I know that surgery will come before any other treatment.  They will do a test to figure out if it's spread to my lymph nodes during surgery.  At first I got the impression that I wouldn't need chemo, but the doctor said the oncologist usually suggests chemo because of my age and health.  So that's still up in the air.

I feel a little bit more... at ease.  I am glad that we got the results earlier (although I could have done without the 16 day wait to see the surgeon) and were able to digest the diagnosis before getting inundated with more information.  I'd also like to have definite answers, but I guess we can't have everything we want, eh?  All of that will come in time and we're hoping in a year's time, this will all be a memory (and I'll have a new rack :P ) 

Here we go- 2016!

Happy New Year!  Frankly, I'm really glad to have said goodbye to 2015 & am looking forward to 2016! I know it's going to be a bit of a fight to get to my 40th birthday, but I'm ready to get healthier and give cancer a big ole' FU.

 I've called the breast specialist's office a couple of times trying to get a sooner appointment, but the doctor doesn't get back into the office until Tuesday & according to the receptionist, she's triple booked.  In fact, she moved my Friday appointment back by a half hour because an earlier surgery got bumped back a bit :/  I'm hoping Friday will be here quickly once we get back into our regular routines though.

In the meantime, I've been doing some googling and trying to learn as much as I can about different options.  It could be as simple as a lumpectomy, or as complex as chemo, radiation & mastectomy.  I think I'm prepared for whatever I need to do.  I'm fortunate to have a wonderful supportive husband & friends and family willing to watch the kids while I go to appointments. 

I've been feeling a bit stronger, emotionally.  I think I'm no longer in shock and starting to process everything.  I know we can beat this! 

My doctor gave me a prescription for sleeping pills but fortunately I haven't even filled the prescription.  I'm not having trouble falling asleep, but for some reason I wake up super early every morning and just toss and turn.  I've started back at the gym though so hopefully that'll keep me nice and tired and help me sleep a bit longer. 

I'll update again as soon as I've processed everything from Friday's appointment.  Please keep the prayers and good vibes coming.  Thanks again for all of your support <3